Food for Your Mind, to Grow Your Self.

Toxic Relationships

Do you have someone in your life whom you can’t stand being around? someone who’s presence brings you down, makes you anxious, brings out the worst in you? Is there someone who the mere thought of you having to interact with them is unpleasant, like something painful you would rather avoid?

Chances are you have a toxic relationship with that person. We all have those people in our lives at one point or another, sometimes even multiples of these toxic people. Many times, we label it a personality conflict, or just that we don’t “click”, or that it’s the other person who’s somehow mental.

Keep in mind there are always 4 perspectives at play here. How you see them, and how they see you. And how you each view your respective selves. What is true, is that on some energetic level, you are both experiencing some degree of incompatibility, where spiritually you KNOW you both don’t get along, but somehow there is a reason or a purpose that you both are in each other’s lives. Usually, you are each teaching one another a lesson or supporting one another in some way on your respective journey.

From our limited human perspective on life, particularly when we feel disconnected from our Higher Self, we are not usually able to tell why a particular person is in our life or what their higher purpose in our spiritual journey, if any at all, is.

Sometimes, what can happen, especially where a relationship is very personal, intimate, or long-lasting, whether this be personal, social or work-related, the other person’s energy latches on to our energy and has the ability to siphon off energy from you, without your consent, as though they had invisible hooks embedded in you and feed off of you like a parasite. We very often feel this, but most of us are not consciously aware of it. The more profound a relationship is, the more likely there is to be some sort of energy-exchange or entanglement, which can continue even long after a relationship has ended.

Oftentimes, other than karmic arrangements or past obligations carried over from a past life, there is no specific reason that relationships start out or become toxic. Frequently, they are simply a non-alignment of energies, or the relationship mutates over time, because either of the persons involved feels their needs in the relationship are no longer being served. We usually recognize this as a “growing apart” or “becoming estranged”. Typically, this happens when one person’s personal or spiritual journey happens at a rate much different from that of the other person.

If you think of a spiritual journey as an upward spiral staircase, and you are already one level 5 in your path, and you are in some form of relationship with a person a few circles beneath you on level 2 of their path, essentially behind you, you will find it very difficult to remain with that person, because the seeming incompatibilities will grow more profound as our understanding of linear time goes on.

You will find yourself feeling sorry for them, but at the same time wonder why they can’t be on your level, why they can’t “keep up” with you. You will feel extremely frustrated, angry and often powerless, and stuck, because you feel the person on level 2 wants to drag you down again from your current level to his / her level, where ever you may be.

As you reflect on this, people will come to mind who fit this bill. You will quickly be reminded of people in your life, either at present or in your past, who have affected you in this way. It is important to take an inventory of your human interactions, at home, within your family, within your friendship circles, at work, etc. and set necessary boundaries and re-claim your energetic independence. If necessary, you will need to take steps to change the dynamic of a toxic relationship to either make it less toxic, or end the relationship altogether and move on. This is a HARD, and often PAINFUL process. But you have to do in the most compassionate, love-inspired way, without hatred or regret.

In this process, you must also be very mindful that YOU yourself also of course have the ability to be the one who is deemed the “energy vampire” or more toxic of the 2 in any given relationship. Try to recognize this type of behavior in your own behavior and see if you can bring yourself to make positive, more love-inspired changes.

No relationship, regardless of its nature, is so important as to continue a toxic status quo. There has to be some communication to the effect, that this relationship, as is, is no longer acceptable. While you have no right to end anyone’s life, you DO have the right to no longer include them in your life. Whether this be a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, family member, friend, acquaintance, co-worker, etc. Make the necessary changes. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s painful. Yes, there will be fall-out and other consequences. However, ultimately, you are doing what is right for you in this life.

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